2019, a rant

It’s been a minute since I actually went on this app to write- that is, if a minute was 15 months. Yikes, that’s a long time. In all honesty, I didn’t plan an actual hiatus from blogging. Even though I was done with college and subsequently took a ‘gap year’, I didn’t think that gap would extend to my writing. But alas, I’m only human and God had other plans.


Basically the past year has been in one word, overwhelming. So so much has happened all of which I hope to share one day. But looking back I would say that God has been indeed good. Not every single day felt good, but God has been really faithful and present.

A while back, I started to contemplate quitting this whole blogging of a thing. My website is basically a look into my life, lessons I’ve learnt, and I try as much as I can to share the Gospel of Christ and parts of the Scripture that have impacted my life. There’s some aspects of beauty and lifestyle sprinkled in, but the bulk of my posts have been inspirational and faith based. But recently, over the past couple of months, I didn’t feel very inspired. I didn’t feel full of faith. I felt angry a lot, overwhelmingly sad, and kind of empty. I know, thay sounds scary but I basically did not feel like myself for such a long time.

2019 was a bizarre year for me. And so who was I to still keep giving encouragement and keeping people inspired on here, when I was basically going through the worst emo phase. What would I even write? Would it make sense? I thought of so many reasons why I was not worthy to keep on doing what I previously loved to do. And so I kept on deferring my posts. I’d do it next week. Next month. I’ll post something for summer. Maybe Christmas. On, and on and on. Until I just finally gave up and realised that noone might be on here to see my posts anymore. So why bother.

No. No sis. Yes bother! Be bothered. Deep inside me I was bothered. Because I felt like I was somehow called to do this. Creating content is not just a hobby, its something that makes me happy. And the reason it makes me happy is because it’s one of my gifts. I used to spend hours and hours in front of a desktop when I was little playing around with web and graphics design software. And then to use it as a medium to share the love of God, that shouldn’t be a chore, it’s a priviledge. I realised that I had been looking at things wrongly.

Life is a privilege. Its an irreplaceable privilege. But it isn’t always a cool smoothie drink. It’s not always predictable and comfortable. What is eternally sure is that through everything, the Lord is with us. He will never leave us. He sees that which we cannot see. That is why we mustn’t give up. Omg, it’s so easy to say. All these words of faith are so easy to spew out and read on paper. What’s hard is the application. And in the times when I felt not my best, I’m grateful to the Lord for His Word that held me up and sustained me. I’m also so grateful for my previous posts, because going back to them and being reminded of His promises and love really really helped me. I was literally blown away at some of the stuff I wrote. And I know that in the same manner, someone out there may have stumbled on a Word right here on my blog. Even if it’s one person, it’s super worth it.

In conclusion, I have so many lessons from 2019 and so many stories. And for me not to share them with you blessed people would be quite unfortunate. So this is me saying I’m back. Back to doing what I love. Back and better than ever.


Love,

Jess

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